Mu gihe imibanire y’abantu igenda ihinduka bitewe n’ibihe, ikoranabuhanga n’imyumvire mishya, hakomeje kwibazwa uko imyitwarire y’umusore mu mibanire igira ingaruka ku mahirwe ye yo kubona umugore bazabana.

Mu minsi ishize, igitekerezo kivuga ko umusore udafite inshuti n’imwe y’umukobwa ashobora kuba afite amahirwe yo kuzashaka umugore mwiza cyongeye kuvugisha benshi. Ariko se, siyansi n’abahanga mu bumenyi bw’imibanire bavuga iki kuri iyi ngingo?

Mu gihe imibanire y’abantu igenda ihinduka, abahanga mu bumenyi bw’imibanire n’imyitwarire (psychology na sociology) bagaragaje ko umusore udafite inshuti z’abakobwa aba atari inyuma mu buzima bw’urukundo, ahubwo ko ashobora kuba afite amahirwe menshi yo kuzashaka umugore w’icyitegererezo. Ibi bishingiye ku bushakashatsi bwerekana ko kwitandukanya n’imibanire myinshi idafite intego bishobora gufasha umuntu kugumana ubushishozi, icyerekezo n’amahitamo anoze mu gushaka uwo bashakana.

Ubushakashatsi bwerekana ko kwirinda imibanire idafite intego bifasha mu guhitamo neza

Mu 1994, Dr. David Buss, umwarimu wa Psychology muri University of Texas at Austin, mu gitabo cye The Evolution of Desire, yagaragaje ko abantu bagira amahirwe yo kubona umukunzi mwiza iyo bagize amahitamo amwe ariko afite ireme, aho kuba mu mibanire myinshi idafite icyerekezo.

Buss asobanura ko abagabo birinda “romantic overexposure” (kwinjira mu mibanire myinshi) bagira amahirwe yo: kugumana igipimo cyo hejuru mu byo bashaka ku mugore no kwirinda kugabanya ibisabwa ku ndangagaciro n’imico myiza bagenderaho bahitamo.

Ubushakashatsi bwa Dr. Roy Baumeister (Florida State University), bwatangajwe mu 2003 muri Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, bwerekanye ko imibanire myinshi igabanya ubushobozi bwo gufata imyanzuro myiza mu rukundo.

Baumeister agaragaza ko abagabo bagira inshuti nyinshi z’abakobwa bashobora: kwitiranya inshuti n’urukundo, kugabanya ubushishozi mu guhitamo uwo bashakana no kugwa mu mutego wo kujya mu mubano bashingiye ku byiyumvo by’ako kanya aho gushingira ku ndangagaciro nziza.

Ibi bitandukanye n’umusore udafite inshuti z’abakobwa, kuko we usanga yitegereza urukundo nk’ikintu gikomeye kigomba guhitwamo neza, aho amuhitiyemo agahitamo wa wundi mwiza.

Kwifata no gutegereza byongera amahirwe yo gushakana n’umugore w’indangagaciro nziza

Mu 2010, Dr. Galena Rhoades na Dr. Scott Stanley bo muri University of Denver basohoye ubushakashatsi mu kinyamakuru Journal of Family Psychology, bwerekana ko abagabo birinda imibanire itaramba (casual relationships) bagira amahirwe menshi yo: gushakana n’abagore bafite imyitwarire ihamye, kubaka ingo ziramba no gushakana n’abantu bafite indangagaciro ziri hejuru.

Stanley asobanura ko “intentional waiting,” ni ukuvuga gutegereza ufite intego, ari kimwe mu bintu by’ingenzi bituma umuntu ashaka neza.

Imico yo kwitonda ikurura abagore b’indangagaciro nziza

Mu bushakashatsi bwa Dr. Helen Fisher (biological anthropologist, Rutgers University), bwatangajwe mu 2016 binyuze muri Match.com Singles in America Study, hagaragajwe ko abagore benshi baha agaciro abagabo batihutira kujya imibanire, kuko ngo baba bagaragaza: ukwifata, ubudahemuka no kutaba mu rusobe rw’imibanire myinshi idafite umumaro. Umubano bagiyemo, barawubaha, bigatuma bahitamo neza kuko badakunda kujagarara.

Fisher yemeza ko abagore bashaka urugo rw’igihe kirekire bakunda abagabo batabayeho mu mibanire myinshi n’inshuti z’abakobwa, kuko bababona nk’abantu bizerwa kandi bafite icyerekezo.

Ubushakashatsi butandukanye mu myaka irenga 30 buhuriza ku ngingo imwe: Kuba umusore adafite inshuti z’abakobwa ntibimushyira inyuma, ahubwo bishobora kumushyira mu mwanya mwiza wo guhitamo umugore w’icyitegererezo.

Abahanga bemeza ko: kwirinda imibanire idafite intego, kugumana amahitamo amwe ariko afite ireme no kubaha urukundo nk’ikintu gikomeye, ari byo bituma umusore agira amahirwe yo gushakana n’umugore mwiza mu mico, mu ndangagaciro no mu buzima rusange.

Ubushakashatsi bwa siyansi bugaragaza ko mu by’ukuri kubura inshuti z’abakobwa bitari igihombo, ahubwo ko bishobora kuba ari inyungu ikomeye mu rugendo rwo gushaka urugo ruhamye.

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