Mu mateka yihariye y’u Rwanda, Jenoside yakorewe Abatutsi mu 1994 yasize ibikomere bikomeye mu mitima y’abantu benshi cyane. Hari ababuze ababo, abandi barokotse babonye ibintu bitabonerwa ibisobanuro, bikabasiga bafite ihungabana rikabije.
Ihungabana rituruka ku kintu cyagize ingaruka zikomeye ku mitekerereze y’umuntu, nko kubona urupfu, guhohoterwa, kubura ababyeyi cyangwa abavandimwe, kwirukanwa, cyangwa se guhorana ubwoba budashira.
Kugira ngo umuntu wahuye n’ihungabana abashe kongera kwisanga mu buzima busanzwe bisaba ubushishozi, ubwitonzi n’impuhwe. Dore ibintu umuntu yakora kugira ngo afashe uwo bahuye cyangwa basangiye urugendo rwo gukira ihungabana:
1. Kumwumva no kumutega amatwi
Umuntu wahuye n’ihungabana akeneye kumva ko afite aho avugira, aho atavugirwamo cyangwa ngo acirwe urubanza. Irinde kumuca mu ijambo, kumugereranya n’abandi cyangwa kumubwira amagambo yoroheje nk’“bihangane” mu gihe acyugarijwe n’icyo yabonye cyangwa yahuye na cyo. Mwereke ko umwumva, umuhe umwanya, kandi umwubahe.
2. Kumuba hafi
Kuba hafi y’umuntu bivuze kumutera akanyabugabo no kumwereka ko atari wenyine. Hari ubwo adakeneye amagambo menshi, ahubwo akeneye kumva ko hari umuntu uhari igihe cyose akeneye kuganira. Ndetse no kumubwira amagambo yoroshye nka “ndi hano, ntabwo uri wenyine” bifite ububasha bwo guhumuriza umutima.
3. Kumushishikariza gushaka ubufasha bw’ababifitiye ubumenyi
Ihungabana rimwe na rimwe rikenera kwitabwaho n’ababifitiye ubushobozi, nk’abajyanama mu by’ubuzima bwo mu mutwe (psychologists) cyangwa abaganga b’indwara zo mu mutwe (psychiatrists). Mu gihe abishaka, ushobora kumuhuza n’ibi bigo cyangwa ukamuherekeza kugira ngo yisanzure.
4. Kwirinda kumuhatiriza kuvuga
Hari ubwo umuntu ashobora kumara igihe kinini atarabasha kuvuga ibyamubayeho. Kumuhatira kubivuga bishobora kongera kumukomeretsa. Mwubahe, umuhe umwanya n’umudendezo, kuko igihe cye cyo kuvuga gishobora kuza uko iminsi igenda.
5. Kumufasha buhoro buhoro gusubira mu buzima busanzwe
Ihungabana rikuraho ubushake bwo gukora ibintu bisanzwe. Nubwo bimeze bityo, umufashe gukora ibintu bito nk’ugusohoka, kuganira ku bintu bisanzwe, kumva umuziki cyangwa guteka – ariko ntumuhatirize kubikora igihe atari abishaka.
6. Kutamucira urubanza no kumwihanganira
Umuntu uri mu ihungabana ashobora kugira imyitwarire abantu bamwe batahita basobanukirwa. Irinde kumubwira amagambo nka “ntiwari ukwiriye gukomeza kubyibazaho” cyangwa “wowe gira imbaraga nk’abandi.” Ahubwo menya ko buri wese agira uko abasha kubyakira, kandi ko igihe cyo gukira kitangana kuri bose.
7. Kugira ubumenyi kuri trauma
Gusoma, kumva ibiganiro cyangwa gukurikirana amahugurwa ku bijyanye n’ihungabana bishobora kugufasha kurushaho gusobanukirwa n’uwahuye na ryo, ndetse no kumenya uko wamuba hafi neza.
8. Kwirinda kumuha umutwaro wawe
Umuntu uri mu ihungabana ntakwiye kongererwa ibindi bimuremerera. Irinde kumubwira ibibazo byawe bikomeye, cyangwa kumusaba kuba ari we ukwihanganisha. Ahubwo, ube ari wowe umuba hafi.
9. Kumushishikariza kwizera ko gukira bishoboka
Ibikomere byo mu mutima bishobora gukira, nubwo bifata igihe. Kumwibutsa ko hari abandi banyuze mu bibi nk’ibyo akomeje, ariko bagakira, bishobora gutuma asubirana icyizere.
Nk’uko ubushakashatsi bwakozwe n’Umuryango GAERG (Génération des Anciens des Étudiants Rwandais en Exil) bwabigaragaje abantu benshi barokotse Jenoside yakorewe Abatutsi muw’1994 yavuze ko bagikenera urukundo, ubufasha no kwitabwaho, kuko ibyo banyuzemo ari ibintu bitakibagirana. Bivuze ko buri wese afite inshingano zo gutanga urumuri no kuba icyizere ku barimo umwijima w’ihungabana.
Ihungabana si indwara yo mu mutwe yoroheje – ni igikomere gikomeye, ariko kigira ubuvuzi. Niyo mpamvu abantu bose bakwiye kugira uruhare mu gufasha abahuye nacyo, haba mu gihe cya Jenoside cyangwa mu bindi bihe bikomeye. Kugarura icyizere ku muntu wahuye n’ihungabana ni ugutanga impano ikomeye.
