"A Peaceful Family: The Source of Understanding Between Spouses"

"It is no secret that in Kigali, December is a month full of wedding celebrations, which adds to the usual joy of ending the year. It is a great time to share happiness with family. In these closing days of the year, I would like to talk about the bond of mutual care and kindness that should exist between married couples, who have committed to building a home that nurtures peace."

In life, no one is satisfied without the joy of love, being loved and loving others in return. When building a home, everyone desires that their spouse gives them the attention they deserve in their life, listens to them, respects them, honors them in front of others, supports their ideas, and stands by them with enthusiasm.

However, due to the negative narratives surrounding marriage, some people might feel that there is no happiness in a home. This should not be the case, as there are many examples of marriages that stand the test of time and remain joyful.

When talking to many young people, they express a sense of disinterest in marriage, often citing the many broken homes they see around them. Yet, this should not define what a good marriage looks like, and the information shared about troubled homes should not scare those who have not yet entered into marriage.

As we all know, you cannot reap what you have not sown! A home without a solid foundation, built on love and understanding, cannot be a "little heaven" as often said. Building a home is a calling!

Day and night may not seem similar, yet they complement each other, and so do the unique qualities of each individual in a relationship. A healthy relationship does not require both partners to be perfect or to share the same beliefs and behaviors.

In Kinyarwanda, we say "Nta mwiza wabuze inenge" – there is no perfect person. Everyone who builds a home may have flaws. It is, therefore, important for each spouse to look at the good qualities of the other and help them become better.

Loving yourself is important, and it must come first. One cannot fully love another if they do not first love themselves because a person can only give what they have.

Because no one can love themselves alone and feel fulfilled without needing someone to complement them, this is where the secret of marriage begins, leading to the creation of a family. This has been passed down through generations and will continue through the ages.

You reap what you sow. Building a home or marriage is a legacy that we pass on as time goes by. With the changing times, the evolving needs of society, and our development in various sectors, we must continue to strengthen this legacy.

Building a home with your spouse is the source of happiness, requiring sacrifice and commitment so that the home is not seen as a "trial" for others.

The vows taken during marriage, whether at an altar or another sacred place, symbolize selflessness. This requires a person to go beyond themselves and become one with their spouse, starting a new journey together as they have promised.

This selflessness is the most important gift that married couples can offer each other – a binding covenant.

While marriage vows are sacred, they are not enough on their own. A commitment to being one requires a willingness to change. For the marriage to thrive and last forever, both partners must agree to grow, be truthful, and have compassionate hearts.

A relationship between spouses is strengthened when both feel valued, heard, and understood, and even disagreements should not lead to conflict but should be resolved peacefully.

Indeed, seeing broken marriages is a sign that the broader community is not doing well. Who has tarnished the beauty of this great calling? Building a home and having a family is not a trap as some may think; rather, it is a blessing.

Perhaps in earlier times, this might have been easier. Today, people are caught up in many things, always looking at the crafted images in the media that show a perfect life and love.
Yet, those are just images.

This aligns with the dreams of today’s youth, who might think they still have time to choose better options than what they see today.

No family is without a head!

While there is no manual on how one should live a flawless life, every family has a head. Listening to wise counsel and aligning development with family values is crucial to creating a happy home.

A person is a remarkable being! They have the wisdom to choose the best moments of life to show that they are good people, living well, and encouraging others to follow suit.

No family exists without facing challenges that test their love. Whether through schooling, work, relationships, or starting a family, none of these things happen without effort. All of it requires perseverance.

What use is it to always argue with your spouse just to win, if it causes damage to your family?

Indeed, government leaders, religious leaders, and many others work tirelessly to help people have happy and fulfilling homes. However, because every person has the ability to choose what works best for them, it is important that each person also works toward creating a family full of love. This applies to both the young and the old.

Even in the best of relationships, it is necessary to have wisdom so that emotions do not dominate everything. We should ask ourselves: what good is living a life of complete independence, or always seeking to prove something to your spouse, if it destroys the peace and tranquility of your family?

Even in a perfect relationship, occasional disagreements and bad behavior can have serious consequences for both the spouses and the overall well-being of the family.

No child grows up in isolation – parents are always concerned about their children!
When families are properly supported, they can achieve amazing things. A young family can overcome the challenges of its early years and grow to become a role model.

A family is a great blessing. The happiness of a family does not depend on material wealth. For a family to thrive and be happy, it needs time, communication, and continuous connection between both parents and children.

I wanted to share with you some of the lessons I’ve learned in my life that might help someone live a better life. I also want to remind our young ones that I love you and wish you all the best. I hope this message helps you.

A united family cannot be broken.

It is up to each person to decide if their family will be a “little heaven on earth.”
For those wishing to build a family, when choosing whom to marry, take time to choose someone with values that you want to see in your children. Also, remember that no one is perfect, and neither are you.

This requires selflessness, but it is necessary because that is how to build a complete love, which is the foundation of a good home.

Kindness and patience should be what you wish for your child and your spouse.
In every home, the couple will face challenges at times, but none of this should discourage them from seeing the blessings in their marriage.

Life is like any other venture, with investments and time dictating how the journey will unfold. The journey of marriage is the same, requiring friendship, respect, and preserving the dignity of your partner.

Love as you want to be loved. Avoid negative ideas and trust in your partner.
The Rwanda we all wish for begins with a good home and a peaceful family! Achieving this requires everyone’s involvement.

Let’s continue to learn from each other. Let’s give importance to discussions within families, ongoing conversations that help married couples. Even as parents, we don’t just want to talk to you; we also want to hear your advice because learning is continuous, and there is so much we can learn from you.

We are ready to listen to you and help you understand what might assist you in building strong families.

Thank you for your time. Continue to build on true love.

We wish those who are getting married now, and those with new homes, a home full of happiness and peace. May your love continue to grow and strengthen your home! Raise and nurture the future of Rwanda.

Madam Jeanette Kagame

Madam Jeanette Kagame

Source: Imbuto Foundation